the chronicles of my wishlist

Insatiable, incorrigible, unstable and with a butterfly effect. That's how I describe myself now. Or I believe, that's how everyone is.

I may have got a good education in one of the best schools of the town. Its over, its gone and something that happened so many years ago. But I still wish I should have gone to school A and not school B in which I actually was. Reasons are plethora and myriad.

I may have had lot of fun in college days. During my five years of law, I got to travel to so many places- Udaipur, Diu, Goa, Chennai, Pondicherry, Bangalore, Mumbai and Mohali. I had an amazing time with my best friends but I still wish I deserved more- a larger group of friends,as close as those two were, more number of visits to make, should have flouted lot other rules of the system and not be tagged with the 'good boy' image!

Then I got a job, I was happy and world was rolling all over my feet. What a fake and superficially consoling feeling that was. I got to work in Mumbai where my other two best friends were working, but No, my wishlist refused to give away and I wanted more. I wanted to be close to my hometown and that's where I decided to move to Gurgaon and sought a transfer. Now that I am here, my wishlist prompts me to go back to my friends, I know about this at least that I won't concede to it. However what bums me out is this restlessness phase of mine. Will I never be able to give rest to myself and be contended with what I have? I want to be like others around me, I want to be friends with them, so that I don't feel isolated and dejected. I want to show those two that I am happy without them as well. But then at the same time, I drive people around me crazy and repel them from me. What's going on with me? What do I want from myself??????? Chitwan, its time to be little more thanful to God and to your ownself so that I am able to improve my attitude.

As I type this, I don't feel I can implement it in anyway. Does that mean I don't want to improve at all? Yes, I resist change, but so what! Everyone does... So does everyone has such a long and unending chronicle of what all they yearn for? I doubt...